Monday, 12 June 2017

What does his text mean…online dating

Tinder, POF, Match, E-Harmony you name it, I've tried them.  Jumping into the minefield of what can only be described as a 'minefield' of online dating a few years back was a huge shock for me, someone married for over 20 years. Yet there I was 43 about to start again and I won't lie, it was one hell of a roller coaster and tested my friends' patience to the limit.

A couple of years on, lots of dates and finally being in one for the last year and a half I can now offer to give my advice back to my friends who've found themselves in the same position as myself.  The biggest hurdle of online dating has to be 'texting'. When I was younger we didn't even have mobile phones and so communication was in the form of 'face to face, handwritten letters (I miss those) or a huge telephone bill, we didn't even have e-mail!

Texting is by far the worst form of communication. It can be misread in so many ways and yet us women put so much emphasis on how a man texts. We analyse and go over and over the same words, giving them countless possible meanings, which is ironic as men just don't give anywhere near as much thought.

So if you're waiting for those 3 dots on their phone to appear, check out a round-up of what I've learnt.

  • You may think that men are chatting to more than one girl at a time, and yes this could be true however, it is normally just one or two. Men simply just don't have the time (assuming you are chatting to someone with a job), to put their energy into chatting up several women.
  • Men are simple and logical. When you write an 'essay' to him on text he will just take one look and his eyes will blur over. He will, of course pick up words such as 'lick, taste, beer etc', and anything that involves an innuendo of sex or alcohol. 
  • As men are simple don't be put off when you write 'a lot of blue' and only one line of 'grey' appears back. They are busy, they have to focus and then cannot at any time multi-task (well again depending on the innuendo text talk, then they can always multi-task….).
  • Men like to do the chasing. It's far better for a woman to hold herself back a little. If you just want a one night stand then fine, but most of my friends would like a relationship. This is when you need to know just how much to give. Take it SLOWLY.
  • Suggestion is far more erotic than full on 'take me now'. You want him to meet you and be interested in you. Not what he thinks he is going to get.
  • I dislike games, but at the beginning it's always best holding off before texting him right back. If he texts you in the morning, then say a 'hello - I'll text later but busy atm', this gives off the vibes that you are interesting and not waiting for those 3 dots to appear. At the same time, it comes across that you don't play games and you're acknowledging his text. 
  • Saying that, it's always important to ask about them - so when you are in throes of text conversation, make sure you ask questions about their day, hobbies etc. Men do like to talk about themselves (known fact). 
  • Those 3 dots, don't just hang around for them - send a text and get on with whatever you are doing, don't make it into a big deal as it's just getting to know each other.
  • WhatsApp - oh I hate WhatsApp, looking at when he was last online, who was he texting at midnight and why has he read your text and not answered. Well here's a surprise. His WhatsApp maybe on in the background, so unless he closes it he will still be online. He may have read your text then had an urgent need for the loo (albeit most men text on the loo) or he may be married and calling out to his wife that 'he's put the bins out'. Regardless try not to read into WhatsApp, it will drive you crazy, like it did me. If however, he is 'typing' at 2am then it's probably an intimate conversation with another woman, unless he has relatives in America. 
  • IMessage - it's a personal choice with the 'read' button. Personally I don't like it, as I don't want someone to know when I've read the text, bit of mystery is always good. Also and again similar to WhatsApp if you don't reply then it can come across as 'playing games'. 
  • When he first texts you after you've both swiped right, and mentions you 'look sexy', calls you 'baby' or anything else personal and IMO cringe then he is only after one thing. He should have enough respect to ask about your day and be interested in what you have done.
  • If you've sat around all day, stroking the cat, watching Come Dine With Me then it's perfectly acceptable to lie. Something along the lines of 'gym (he'll think your healthy), cooking a home-made curry (he'll think your marriage material) and upgrading your Sky to Sky Sports (he'll come right over). All these are good. Failing that keep it interesting with banter and play the 'would you rather a) or b) game i.e. would you rather swim in the sea or pool, eat Thai or Chinese - as you get to know each other this game can be taken up a notch or two and then the fun really begins.
  • If you've not got a specific first meet up date, there is nothing wrong in you suggesting it, as he could simply be shy. However, if he is evasive then give him a couple of days to choose from and leave it to him. If he doesn't come back within 24 hours then leave it. A man who decides an hour before Saturday night that he can see you, usually has been stood up by someone else - you don't want to be second best. 
  • If he wants to see you he will - there will be no excuses and he will set a date. If he carries on just texting without making a definite date, then he is either with someone else or keeping you as a back up - neither are acceptable. 
  • Finally my last piece of advice. Never analyse a man's text or decipher and de-code every word, as mentioned above they don't write the 'in-between' stuff, us women do. Just remember 'simple' (I've used that word a lot in this blog) creatures who have fat fingers - and often make typos - this is why the majority of them like to use Emojis. Also fat fingers are not necessarily drunk fingers! 

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